Escape from The Planet of the Social Media Apes: The Burnout

 The joints of their knuckles ached. Their wrists were stiff as the first sign of primate related Carpal Tunnel Syndrome waged war on their usually limber joints. Many of the Apes had gone to be fitted for reading glasses as the hours spent in front of computers had taken its toll. The hunt for those filthy human pests, once the primary focus of the work day, was now just a “real world” distraction to the social media frenzy the Apes had fallen victim to.

Social Media burn out had come to the PLANET OF THE APES!

It had been 1,310 years since the rise of the Apes and the planet was falling into chaos as young apes started to be absorbed into the video game circus and were more interested in reaching the highest level of Street Gorilla Fighter or Ape Escape 3.

Apes had forgotten about ape on ape interaction and the pleasantries of popping by a fellow apes home with a fine bottle of banana wine for an evening of chat. Quick and convenient online dialogue with the new aPhone 5G from Banana Computers had replaced the personal conection.

Dr. Zaius: Bored. Going bananas at home. What are you doing tonight?


Dr. Milo: Working on a time traveling rocket ship to take me away from it all, LOL.


Dr. Zaius: Seriously? Up 4 a quick chat before “Housewives of Chimp City” comes on?


Dr. Milo: No thanks. Want to get this done so I can update my Fuzzyfacebook.com status. Then escape in my rocket.


Just like the humans who turned their brains to taffy a thousand years earlier the Apes needed to take a step back, and take stock of how to manage their social media and real world activities. The same rules apply to them that did to the humans:

-Set defined parameters for what you really need social media wise especially if it’s primate, I mean primarily personal branding you are engaged in.

- Pace your use by setting times to check in with all your social media outlets and make a schedule of times of the day to do so. Shut down at 5:00pm! That should be personal time and if you have family? It had better be spent with them or there will eventually not be much of one to come home to.

- Take 5! 5 days that is and step away from the social media circuit. Spend it with friends in the real world that you have and or met online and share a bottle of Banana Wine! If you’re more concerned about how your Klout score will look at the end of that week than you are about knowing the score of life then you have gone ape! I mean….Human.

Oh this just in; it’s been reported that Doctors Cornelius, Zira and Milo have escaped from the planet in a rocket ship in an attempted  to find peace and quiet in Earths past. We will of course Tweet, text, interrupt G+ chats and update Fuzzyfacebook with developments. We now return you to your regularly scheduled real lives.

The Rise of The Planet of The Social Media Apes

 We are all familiar with the Planet of The Apes storyline yes? How the apes evolve, take over the planet, enslave man and, as we saw in the first 5 movies, they lived a very technologically free existence. Now comes the new updated movie “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” and my question becomes; since we have changed so much since the original Ape films, will they “evolve” with our times?

I would seriously donate 3 years of my life to someone else’s needy body to see the Apes running about with iPhones, on Facebook and Twitter and operating Customer Service centers!

Can you see the Twitter Chat stream on TweetDeck after the rise of the Apes?

#UsCustServApes

@Gen_Urko Hey Doc,  I flipped U that missing link to post on talking humans. Get it? Missing link? LMAO

@CorneliusPHD  LOL Yeah,”missing link” I get it. Missed your calling. TTYL

@TaylorTalk Link this U DAMN DIRTY APES! http://bit.ly/rbOWDE

@ZiraHotDoc TROLL Alert. Just ignore him. He’ll *poof* They are just so damn ugly…

Now, we could make jokes until the Apes really take over about how a monkey could work a customer service call center as long as they have a script but how will the Apes truly be at excellent customer service?

“Thank you for calling. Zippo’s Shoes. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line for the next representative”

1 minute later…

“Hello this is Natalie. How may I help you today?”

“Hello Natalie, my name is Caesar and I just ordered some new military boots for my Gorilla warfare army and unfortunately we got some in human design. Didn’t even know they made those anymore!”

“I am sorry for that Mr. Caesar. We will get those Simian cut boots out to you right away. Feel free to keep them and give them to your enslaved humans if you so wish.”

OK, will this all happen? No probably not. We have done a pretty good job seeing to the destruction of our cousin Ape's natural environment and slow extinction to guarantee that an Ape revolution would last the length of a David Hasselhoff Greatest Hits CD.

But, if it does happen? I’ll be the first human to sign up for Googlrilla Plus or HairyFacebook.com. I don’t monkey around when it comes to this stuff…

A New Hope

And the trees came to life,

As the birds signaled a new day.

The sun slowly claims the sky,

Rising to the song of the sparrow.

An explosion of light parts the clouds

And a better day is born.

Pigeon’s beating wings flood the air

And sounds across the universe.

Does the sparrow wake the sun?

Or the sun wake the sparrow?

Or does God stir them as one,

As a parent does a school child?

The hiss of tires join the chorus,

Pressing on the morning dew.

A clicking of heals signal failed love.

The collars jingle spells relief.

Scattered clouds demand attention.

The sun steals their thunder.

From blue, orange to a light blue,

The canvas sky is painted.

Let new dreams replace nocturnal tales,

And second chances have their say.

A baby’s cry, a kettle’s calling,

All join in the chorus of a new day.

The Top 25 Most Influential People in Customer Service

I'm not someone who brags nor am I one to boast, but when I saw this, well, I was a little proud and even more honored to be featured on a list with people I cal my friends. Congratulations everyone! And Thank you MindTouch.com and Sarah Lieber for the honor. Now let's get to work and continue to make a difference...

For My Daughter: On Her 3rd Birthday

When

When the winds stop whistling

When the leaves stop bristling

When the cows stop grazing

When the poets stop phrasing

When the scholars stop learning

When the devils fire’s stop burning

When the planets stop spinning

When the holy men stop sinning

When the borders start falling

When the weary stop yawning

When the old timers dancing

When the young stop romancing.

I will still be there to love you.

Dream Well

Cherub angel in lace and white

Drops off  her dreams and says good night.

The sandman’s been and’s on his way

As he closes the doors on another day.

And as you drift off to sleep

Slumber pixies tuck in your feet.

Hoot owl blinks and sings his song

The crickets chirp and play along

The swaying branch conducts the tune

Under the spotlight of the full moon

All while today replays in your head

And I sit in wonder on the end of your bed.

Happy Birthday

I sung to you the moment you were born

I sing still

I sang during this photo too

Every song is you.

 

Same Spot. Same Face. Different Year.